it's educationaaaaaallllll.

Today when I went on my run, I really began to feel those endorphines kicking in--I felt like I was on the cusp of an epiphany. I was feeling sort of tired so I brought my music along with me and revisited the Pixies. The euphoric combination of endorphines, brisk 5 P.M. air and unsettling quality of light in the twilight sky, and Black Francis screaming his lungs out to U-Mass made me feel like I was flying across the pavement. I looked up to the sky slowly, like how I do sometimes to keep myself from fixating on the sidewalk--and I began to notice the way the bare, ebony trees' spindly branches ominously and beautifully grasped and strained for the atmosphere--each successive tree rising behind the one in front...then disappearing from my field of vision as I ran down the street. It was pure bliss. The pattern the negative space between the branches was absolutely hypnotizing--a dynamic, lace-like pattern in the sky--mirroring the meandering cracks in the sidewalk. Perhaps my medicine is laced with acid because I was definitely sensitive to the environment--the sights, sounds, atmosphere, my breath--surrounding me.
I noticed the buds emerging on the cherry trees and a few early bloomers and i'm so excited for mid February when the cherry blossoms revel in their full glory and perfume the air with that fragile smell.
I truly felt as if I were in my element--like I had rediscovered a part of me --or caught a brief glimpse of elusive self-hood. It was tremendously reassuring to feel (physiological reaction or otherwise) or entertain the notion that I have a "self"--an independent existence ---I no longer felt defined by the people and circumstances in my life. I felt, for the first time since I was perhaps three years old, that I was more than the sum of my parts.
I wouldn't call myself spiritual, but I felt moved by my senses today. I live for runs like this---these fleeting moments of mental peace.